President Biden Outraged: Calls for Nationwide Ban on American Flag Tweets

As Independence Day draws near, President Biden, demonstrating an unusual zeal, is immersing himself in the tweets of conservative citizens and political commentators such as Tomi Lahren and Benny Johnson. Lahren and Johnson, renowned for their conservative stances, posted on July 1st a depiction of the American flag, dubbing it as their 'pride flag' following the conclusion of 2SLGBTQ+ Pride Month in June.

Lahren's tweet, which stated, "Being that it's July 1st, I thought I'd put up my pride flag," included a picture of the American flag in its full star-spangled splendor (source: Twitter). Johnson chimed in with his own flag-displaying tweet: "Welcome to July. This is Pride Month," accompanying a picture of the red, white, and blue flag (source: Twitter). 

President Biden views these tweets as both a personal and political insult. He's so engrossed in what he deems as a flag controversy and an attack on the 2SLGBTQ+ community that he's prioritizing this issue over all other pressing matters, from the economy to foreign policy.

In retaliation, he arranged an urgent press conference, channeling his irritation into a fervent declaration: “I have recently noticed on Twitter, that individuals are offending the LGBTQ+ community by displaying their love for America. I urge these commentators and all other citizens to remove their tweets and the American flags featured within them. They should issue a public apology and retract their American patriotism, considering their actions as a subtle undermining of June's Pride Month towards the 2SLGBTQ+ community.”

The President escalated his indignation further by extending his demands to the general populace. A mandatory flag sensitivity workshop is proposed, where each citizen is obligated to learn about all 2SLGBTQ+ flags, and compose a considerate essay on why the 2SLGBTQ+ flag holds more importance than the American flag.

"I firmly believe," President Biden continued, his voice intensifying with the urgency of his mission, "that grasping the meaning, history, and significance of each flag can cultivate respect and highlight the importance of our commitment to the 2SLGBTQ+ community. Hence, I am announcing a Flag Sensitivity Workshop – a pioneering initiative – where all citizens are required to learn and write about the significance of the 2SLGBTQ+ flag."